Here we are, well into 2020. Happy New Year by the way! A whole new year and decade and I could not be more excited about what is to come! Does anyone else feel this way? I just feel so fresh and happy. How are yall going?
It is safe to say that 2019 for me, was an absolute rollercoaster. A year full of incredible highs and hard lows, but a year which I am so grateful to have experienced. 2019 taught me a lot and I wanted to share some of those lessons with you.
Sometimes you have to put yourself first.
Sometimes you have to put yourself first and it does not make you selfish. This was a lesson that has taken me years to not only come to terms with but actually implement. I mean, how can you be a good friend, partner to someone or even take care of someone else if you are not taking care of yourself first? For years I was putting my own feelings aside for the sake of others. I would often stay quiet, or allowed myself to be in uncomfortable situations that I never enjoyed just to please others. I surrounded myself with people who were ingenuine and did not reciprocate the love/support and encouragement I was giving them and in doing so, I was always left feeling deeply unhappy and unsettled. Putting yourself first can mean so many different things, but for me, it means being able to say no, to not shrink myself for others, to speak up instead of staying quiet and to live however I want to live. I’ve always been empathetic and taken on the worries of others but I learned that sometimes, you have to put yourself first and to say no more- even to your friends and family.
The importance of time.
A very obvious one, but something we often put at the back of our minds. The very reminder of our life, and time. Time is all we have, but also something we do not have. I have come to realise how important time is, how we spend it, who we spend it with etc. I never want to take my time for granted wishing I had done something differently or wishing and wanting something else. Life is too dang short for that and we should appreciate everything we have. I realised this in 2019 and started to make massive life changes for the better and I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am now. If there is something you want to do, to experience, do it. What is stopping you? If something is not serving you, or you are not happy with something about yourself or something in your life, only you have the power to change your situation. I realised that I am turning 24 soon, and I do not want to live with regrets or waste time. I appreciate all that I have and see the areas which I want to change. You can always recreate yourself, be better, do better and be the person you want to be.
Take a chance!
In 2019, I decided to make a conscious effort to go out of my comfort zone and try new things more often. Doing so, made me realise that it is so important to take a chance sometimes! You never know what the outcome will be if you do not try. I found new hobbies, passions, and met some of the most amazing people – all because I took a chance and put myself out there. In order to grow, I needed to step out of the comfort bubble I had unknowingly created for myself over the last couple of years. Nervous and maybe even anxious at times- I tried new things and I have grown so much as a person because of it. My self-confidence has grown and I am now surrounded by the most loving and supportive people. Take a leap of faith, it might not work out, but what if it does?
My identity is not based on my relationship.
This is something I was really struggling with, in 2019 and perhaps something I’ll talk about more in-depth at a later stage. I was feeling so lost and feeling so stuck in the mindset of others and how they perceive my life to be, and how I should live, etc, etc. I felt the societal expectation that I should be following a certain ‘life timeline’ and being a certain way just because I am now married. Which, when you think about it, is absolutely crazy. I learned to trust my own voice and that of my partner’s, because, at the end of the day, it is our life. I learned that you should never feel like you have to live a certain way just because of society, or other people in your life. You can be or live however you want to! I’ve learned that my identity is not based on my relationship and the same thing goes for my partner. I learned that you can do things on your own, even in a relationship. I am not my relationship, and It feels good to have finally found myself again. It is important to remember that we are not one person, but two (or however you choose to live might I add) and the things we want to achieve as individuals can still happen even if we are married. We can define our marriage, how we want to. After 7 years, it is easy to forget that we are two individuals, and also quite young. We have grown together but also a lot as individuals in the last year and I feel so happy and strong in us. Everyone’s relationship is personal, unique, completely their own and you should never forget that your own relationship with yourself has to come first.
Appreciate the hard times.
At that moment, really tough days and hard times feel awful and really really sh*tty. Believe me, I’ve been there. But, it was only after going through these times that I came out the hypothetical tunnel, stronger. I’ve learned to appreciate the saying: this too shall pass, and it really will. I went through a lot last year, just like all of you reading this I’m sure and at some point in time, some things felt as though they would never end, or that it was just one bad thing after the other. I’ve come to realise that maybe I was meant to go through some things, in order to come out the other end stronger and more resilient as a person. This too shall pass. Every day is a new day, we are constantly growing and time never stops. This moment might feel extremely hard but everything is always changing and moving forward. I hope that makes sense… maybe it just sounds like a huge jumble. But after the months I had last year, I now look back at it all with new eyes. If things are feeling really hard right now, remember that you are never alone. You are loved and this hard time too shall pass.
Those were just a few of the lessons I had to learn last year, and because of them, I am doing really well and feeling positive for not only 2020 but the future. What are some things you learned in 2019? I would love to know. I wish you nothing but the very best and I hope you make 2020 a year to remember.
Talk very soon,