Day 20 at home

It’s day 20 at home, of self-isolation and minimal social contact. It is crazy how the days are going both fast and slow at the same time. What a crazy time we are living in. The mood is very strange here in Vienna, and I am sure it is the same everywhere around the world. When the government made drastic (but necessary) changes, people were rushing and stressed, but now? It is a different mood. We are all following the rules, the streets are almost completely empty and we watch the news and scroll through social media each day, on repeat.

The supermarkets are fully stocked, and people are not hoarding thankfully. People have realised the seriousness of this situation and are staying at home. Day 20 at home and I am feeling anxious, a bit stressed, overwhelmed and a little restless. All the emotions.

It is crazy how we normally crave free time, we look forward to our weekends and for the time where we get to spend more time doing ‘nothing’. We long for more time to relax and simply be. But when you have no choice, and after quite a few days of it, this feeling is strange and it is no longer welcome. Maybe I am the only one feeling that way… maybe I am the only one missing the structure of my regular, boring, everyday life. But, one thing I know for sure is that this experience has been a wake-up call. It has made me realise that I struggle to simply relax and do ‘nothing’, I feel bad for it, feel unproductive and that realisation in itself is interesting. Why do I put so much pressure on myself? To perform, to have many tasks, to be busy all the time? This time feels strange and I have had plenty of time to reflect. Instagram is not helping, the pressure to do amazing things in this time is high and if you aren’t, then what are you doing? This post is all over the place, just like my mind right now.

In today’s society we find ourselves always striving for more, seeking more, doing more.. but why? To feel a sense of completion and success? I am not sure, but one thing I do know is that this experience has really allowed me to take a step back and really look at my own behaviour and feelings towards ‘productivity’ and my need to feel and be busy. This time has also taught me to be okay with doing nothing, with simply existing and to enjoy the little things, like getting lost in a good book for a few hours or listening to a good song while baking banana bread. These are just a couple of examples but are both things I have not done in a long time. I have not read this much since I was a teenager and I really love it.

In this fast-paced world and lifestyle, we have, we are collectively unlearning all we have learned about the need for more and we are learning to do nothing and be okay with it. We are learning that it is okay to simply be, to just survive and take care of ourselves. Right now, with all the uncertainty out our windows, the collective feeling of worry we all share, is uniting us all. We are all feeling the same way, share the same worries and are all in the same situation. I am taking comfort in that and I hope you do as well. This experience has really shown me how important our health is, and is actually, the most important thing we should always strive to improve and have. Our bodies have carried us through so much. We are privileged, we are lucky to be alive and out of this entire pandemic, that is something I will hold onto and (hopefully) never take for granted again. What we are experiencing, is a test on humanity. It is a test on our adaptability, our kindness and understanding, our patience and a test to see how people respond in times of crisis. Do we come together or completely fall apart? Austria, at least, has chosen to come together and for that I am proud. I hope we don’t forget the strives we have made during this time and remember that big things can be achieved once we all come together.

What I wanna say is that, how we feel right now, is completely our own and it’s okay if you are fine and it’s okay if you are not. You are you, and you do not have to be or do anything right now. You do not have to write a novel or challenge yourself every day, you can, but you don’t have to. How you use this time, Netflix and chilling or reading a book a day is okay. Personally, I am just taking it day by day and some days I am productive and others I am not. Some days I am okay, and others I am not. I also wanted to add that even if you aren’t living alone right now, it is normal to still feel lonely. We are all missing someone, no one is perfect and people are not rainbows and sunshine all the time. We are all in this together.

How do you feel about the topic of productivity? how are you going right now & what are your thoughts and feelings in this crazy time? let me know.

Stay at home, stay safe.

Love,
-CC.

2 thoughts on “Day 20 at home

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